Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Damn Murphy's Law!

Okay ladies, I am going to give car 101 today.

My car is broken, and it sucks. I already knew that my link bushings were broken but I was damned when my starter went out. So that is my goal today is to fix everything that is wrong with my car. So here is my list

1. Replace starter with out breaking a finger or saying Fuck more than 5 times.
2. Replace the link bushings with out breaking anything else and not saying Fuck more than 5 times.
3. The easy part. the tune up. well that's until I get to the back spark plugs and this I know I will say Fuck more than 10 times and I will really hurt my fingers.
4. The easiest part the air cleaner. One screw and I'm done.
5. Changing the fuel filter that is in my carburetor. The line is in the back of the carburetor which really sucks. and there is only 2 inches to work with. Only say Damn it 10 times. This doesn't deserve saying Fuck.

So here is your part ladies. If your car is broke go have someone else fix it for you. I am a brave one. I learned how to fix cars from my ex-boyfriend in high school. So I know what I'm doing. Well most of the time. But if you want to know how to fix a car here it is.

So this is how you install a starter.....

Make sure you have all the tools you need in arms reach. BIG PART UNHOOK THE BLACK SCREW PART ON YOUR BATTERY ( also known as the negative) OR YOU WILL SHOCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOURSELF!!!!!! (this is where you say FUCK. I forgot to do that.) Start with the two blots that hold the damn thing on. ( Don't smash your fingers like I did. FUCK, again.) Now don't do it like me and break the fucking ratchet like I just did. ( FUCK, again.This is why I am blogging right now.) Next step try and find a ride to the store to buy a new ratchet, since you broke the only one you have that fits the fucking sockets. Once at the store make sure you buy an extra one. ( I didn't so I gotta wait until father in-law comes home from work. FUCK, again) Break bolts free and take little wires that are on the solenoid. Don't drop the starter that weights 40 pounds. ( FUCK, again) Do the same steps in reverse but you wont break anything putting it in.

See 5 easy steps to say FUCK while fixing a car. I haven't started on the rest of the things yet. I'm waiting on James to get home so I have someone to scream FUCK at so I don't look crazy. I already look crazy enough being a woman working on a car talking to myself.

I will bring you more updates later and all the fun from fixing my car.

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